Moneypenny

omg
I'm going to eat her

Mii

This looks badass

New drink

Crystal Trash

1 part gin
2 parts Crystal Light
pour over ice, stir
serve with pork rinds and vienna sausages

Heavy Metal Mayhem

Early Man, knitting factory

Night snow in the hood

Pretty.

Band of Horses

Brooklyn Masonic Temple, February 14th

4th ave F train

Snow!

Gosh, finally. A bit of real snow. I think I'm the only one who liked it though. Hey! That rhymes!

G Train

Radio Lab Premiere at the Angelika

It's the premiere of season 4 of my favorite NPR show. Jad & Robert will be there as well as the editor of The Onion. The season opener is "Laughter," and their web site promises "a live listening party and cinema-sonic experience of a different kind."

Click on the post's title for details.

The Stranger's 11th Annual Valentine's Day Bash

In which people bring items from failed relationships to be destroyed on stage in a cathartic anti-valentine's day frenzy. I wish I could have been there this year! (Although I did have a surprisingly fun V-day at the Band of Horses show!)

Ok, lovers, let's just chill out!

I know I already posted my v-day sentiment, but i was just cruising some other blogs and discovered that there are some hateful comments getting tossed around by ex's in various states of turmoil. So as someone who has contemplated devious modes of reprisal for hurts both real and imagined, let me be the first to call for order. No matter how much you want to tell your ex's parents what a shit he really is, it won't make you feel better in the long run. Think that "accidentally" melting your ex-girlfriend's vinyl collection will balance the karmic scales for the pain she caused you? Nope. Friends, the only thing lashing out at your ex does is make you feel worse about yourself. Take the high road and and hold on for dear life. Respect yourself and do what you need to get over it.

I don't understand why people do what they do to hurt each other, but they do. Time and time again. Some more than others. All that we can do as individuals is to be honest with ourselves about who we are and what we want from our lovers, and then be honest with them. Not about everything, always. Just about the really important things, like wanting an open relationship or not feeling the love anymore. I don't know how we are supposed to trust each other when everyone lies. I don't know how I'll ever trust anyone again. I'm going to try. Everytime I think about it, I remember how in 6th grade I learned that nothing lasts forever. I made myself promise to remember it. But I forgot. And once I had really forgotten, I met someone who made me believe in miracles. I couldn't believe how wonderful it felt to love and be loved wholeheartedly. As a cynic, I never believed in anything or anyone, really. I made bad decisions and didn't think I deserved to be happy. So when this came around I took a long time to drop the shields around me: humor, keeping things light, refusal to mix our dvds together. And bit by bit, I relented, I melted, I gave in to the feeling that I might have met the man I'd be with forever. I fantasized about having a baby together and maybe getting married - not that marriage has ever been all that important to me.

When things started to fall apart, I remembered my childhood lesson that nothing lasts forever and I concentrated on not taking another moment for granted. Not that I ever really did. I always was so happy to go to sleep curled up behind him, smelling the coffee in his hair (barista,) with my cat curled up as the third spoon in front of him. Now weird memories keep popping into my head at random: like how I would write things on the hardboiled eggs he took to work in his lunch like "eat me," or how I would fold his boxers the way he liked and stack his t-shirts by color on his shelves in our closet.

Writing this is making me feel sad, because I don't talk to him anymore. But I can't talk to him, because everytime I think about something I miss about him, the circle inevitably leads back to how much he disappointed me in the end and how terribly he crushed my belief in love and trust. I want to punish him for all the things he did wrong, I want him to know that if I hate him it is all his fault, and I want him to suffer the way I have. BUT- I loved him for years with my entire being and I want to believe that he loved me as much. SO- I refrain from doing any of the hurtful things I think he deserves, out of respect for what we shared for so long. AND - I think this is the only way for me to go forward as a whole person, with integrity and self-respect.

Then again, we are all going to do what we do until we don't anymore. So if you can't fight that feeling, well embrace it and hope it doesn't come back to you 3-fold.

Oh, yes. Once again, too personal! Oh well, these are the things that rattle around in my post-break-up brain. Especially on this stupid day.

By the way, we were able to separate our dvd's without an argument. So fuck it! Mix it up, get crazy, get close, get your heart broken again. It's life and it feels so good to be alive. Now, I'm going out on my damn date and I'm going to get drunk and make out with this guy I hardly know. And I can't wait!

I hate Valentine's Day

World of blog: I have a date tonight! I still hate valentine's day though. Harumph!

Critical Mass

Broadway
Seattle, WA

House Sitting

Bijou- the alpha dog

House Sitting

Pizza- the sweetie pie

House Sitting

Lucky- the cat

Puppy

Adelphi St., Fort Green, Brooklyn

Stencil

Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Stencil

Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Just me, marta & the biz

Just desserts are best served cold...

Trash talk

I heard that Rolling Stone had offices in our building at my temp job.
I didn't know we had their trash cans tho!

Tree hugger!

Sara LOVES this tree!

Cooper!

omg. this cat is pookers mcpookerson!

Cherry Blossom Tattoo - Healing

I was looking through my posts and saw that I had this picture saved as a draft from November. It's the healed version of my previous tattoo post and deeply connected for me with my break up with Riff. When I went back to Seattle for Christmas/New Years I had it retouched to fix the eye and darken the black areas. I'll put up a picture of the newer version soon.

Yes, it's healing. Slowly, way too slowly for me. It's frustrating to have emotions, but what would life be without them? Who would I be if I weren't this incredibly feeling, sensitive, emotional, irrational being? Not me, I guess. The break up was horrid. It could have been worse, of course, way worse - for example, we didn't have any kids to worry about and we didn't throw anything or hit each other. I don't want to go into details, but lets just say that certain parties could have handled things a lot better and a lot sooner. But I should just worry about the parts I can control - mine. I wish that I had had more confidence in my ability to be in New York on my own back in August when the shit hit the relationship fan. I have always been afraid of being on my own, despite great amounts of evidence that I am a capable adult who can take care of herself. Of course, now I am doing fine - I have a great, huge (by new york standards!) room in a great apartment with terrific roommates. I lost 15 pounds and fit into clothes I haven't worn in a few years. I am starting to enjoy the things I like to do again and am making new friends and connecting again with old friends.

By the way, if any of you new york friends are reading this who haven't seen me in a while, I want you to know that we will hang out again and I miss you, but I just don't want to ask/hear about anything Riff right now. We tried to be friends, but it's just too soon. I miss him, too, but i also kind of hate him.

So after my last trip to Seattle and many bowls of pho soup, I am doing much better. I have been working like crazy to make up for my 3 week vacation and xmas and I'm happy about it. Soon I hope to get back into photography. (My creativity went to zero during all this.) I've been super boy crazy and then totally not into it. It panics me to think of either being rejected or having to reject someone else. And then there's the whole thing - what if I like a boy and then 10 minutes later the thrill is gone? I'm a giant ball of dating neurosis. (or neuroses?)

Is this too personal? Maybe. But the 5 of you who still read this blog either know me well enough or don't know me at all, so who cares?

It's weird after my 4.75 year relationship to be alone with my thoughts. After work I walk through mid-town Manhattan with thousands of people rushing past me to the buses, the subways, the taxis, the bars and restaurants and shows and hotels. I cram onto the V train with all these other commuters and feel totally alone in the crowd. It's the weirdest feeling - now it feels surreal and strangely poignant, but it used to make me incredibly depressed and lonely.

This reminds me of a story: I got back from Seattle at the beginning of january and started working right away. I tried to call Riff because we were going to meet up to exchange some mail and stuff, but he had lost his phone and days went by without him contacting me via email. I got out of work on a Sunday and tried to call him again - this time he answered - he was at a bar where one of his friends worked, hanging out with another friend. He said he'd call back later. I went to the subway and began to feel really sad. He hadn't responded to my emails or voice messages, and he had friends I'd never met and he was with his new girlfriend's friend who he used to tell me I'd really like, but obviously now would never meet. I tried to hold back the tears and stared at nothing through the subway window, but they just started to trickle down my face. I wiped them away with my sleeve feeling embarassed and alone. After a few minutes, the hipster russian girl sitting perpendicular in front of me leaned over and asked, "Are you alright? Do you need a tissue?" I couldn't believe that someone on a new york subway was checking on me! I said, "I'm ok," while she dug through her bag. "I guess I could use a tissue. You're so nice." She said, "I've cried on the subway before and I know it's just the loneliest feeling in the world. I never understood why no one would just ask me if I'm ok." It was the most beautiful thing anyone could have said to me at that point and I thanked her for being so sweet. "Is it going to be alright?" she asked me. I said, "Yes, I just need to get over it, but it is going to be alright."

Temping & Top Pot

I know, I know, it's ridiculous to go to starbucks when there great places for coffee in this town, but trust me, starbucks is way better than the coffee at work AND!! i discovered that they are now carrying Top Pot doughnuts all the way from Seattle! I'm not a huge doughnut fan, but I am a huge seattle fan, and I say kudos to Top Pot for landing the account! Way to go! See I got one - a glazed old fashioned. It was yummy and fresh. Now, my double extra short americano, on the other hand, was not up to specs. For some reason the baristas at Starbucks are unable to not fill a cup up to the top. So my americano was not extra short at all. Oh, well. I only buy starbucks to avoid crappy deli coffee when I haven't had time to make it at home.

Creepy bug

This was in my hallway. I ran away screaming.

Geeky to the max

That out of focus guy is (of course) Han Solo riding a Tauntaun. And
behind him? Yes! A gloriously sparkling 20-sided die for determining
which side of the force prevails in battle on Hoth. Cool.

Subway art

At Carnegie deli after a shoot

We shot B of A ATMs all over town but we still had time for giant
pastrami sandwiches after the gig.

iPhone to blog- come in, blog!

Yea!! It's working! Now I can email pics from my phone again. Here's
some more Marta!

The Brooklyn Kitchen's 1st Anniversary Party & Bodega Challenge

Last night I went to the Brooklyn Kitchen's Anniversary Party at Union Pool. There was live music, tasty treats and lots of fun people. And a cooking challenge! The idea was to make a thanksgiving side dish for under $20 using only ingredients that can be purchased from your average bodega (corner store.) I came up with the idea of making Shepherd's Pie but with Thanksgiving-y fillings. On my first trip to the bodega - the 5-11 on Lorimer in Williamsburg, I bought instant potatoes, canned veggies, turkey gravy, deli turkey - sliced thick, milk, butter, chicken stock, and my flash of seasoning inspiration - onion soup mix. I thought that making the potatoes with stock and soup mix would make up for the fact that they were rehydrated flakes. NOT. Nope. Didn't work. And the extra money that I spent on the stock meant not enough meat and veggies. The finished dish was mostly potatoes and really boring. So the next day, I went out to shop for round two. This time I went to my local bodega: Shop Smart on Marcy. This was a real bona fide bodega according to the Brooklyn Kitchen's Bodega Qualifying Quiz. And I have photographic proof:



Those are my potatoes on the counter. Here's another:



This place was cheaper than the one in Williamsburg, so I was able to add stuffing to my list of ingredients, (yes, Stovetop,) and the real potatoes were only $.80, saving money over the box of instant that made way more than necessary. I bought two cans of veggies and two really big, thick slices of deli turkey. My total was $19.95.

Ready for the judges!:



After some live music and mingling, the judges were brought up to the stage with the referee who had interviewed all the contestants. The judges commented on each dish as they did their tasting and took notes. It was fun and silly. There were some really odd dishes like baked fondue and potato chips au gratin. The judges had pretty good things to say about my dish: "I hate canned peas, but you made it work!" Camille Becerra, chef/owner of the restaurant Paloma, and a Top Chef Season 3 contestant.



More mingling and several Stoli Orange and 7's later, the awards were presented. The suspense was over quickly, as I was announced as the first winner, coming in with 3rd place honors:



My prize was great: a PINK french press and a pound of Gimme! Coffee. The 2nd place went to the pumpkin spiced soup, made by the lovely and talented Ruthy, and 1st was by Sarah, who made something called Pumpkin Gobble Gobble: check it out on Brooklyn Kitchen's blog.

Several people brought cakes to celebrate BK's 1st year anniversary:



They were delicious!! Thanks to The Brooklyn Kitchen for a really fun and lively event and congratulations on your first year!

Here's the recipe for my Thanksgiving Shepard's Bodega Pie. As the referee commented about my dish, this recipe would be a good use of leftovers from your holiday meal.

Recipe: THANKSGIVING SHEPHERD’S BODEGA PIE
Serves 8-10
7-8 tablespoons butter
4 medium russet potatoes, peeled and quartered
1 cup whole milk
1 onion, diced
2-3 thick slices of deli turkey, cubed
1 can corn, drained
1 can peas & carrots, drained
1 package soup mix
1 box stuffing mix
1 can turkey gravy
4 slices yellow American cheese (optional)
1 bag ruffled potato chips, crushed (optional)


Preheat oven to 400 degrees.

1. Boil potatoes gently until tender.
2. Make stuffing according to package directions, set aside when finished.
3. Meanwhile, heat 3 tablespoons of the butter in a large saucepan over medium heat. Add onion, sauté until translucent, about 5 minutes. Add turkey and sauté for 3-4 more minutes. Add vegetables, 2 tablespoons of soup mix and 1/2 cup of water. Simmer until mixture is moist but not too juicy.
4. Mash potatoes with 4-5 tablespoons butter, milk, and 2-3 tablespoons soup mix to taste.
5. Pour the turkey and vegetable mixture into a 9x13” glass baking dish. Layer 1/2 of the gravy over top. Add stuffing. Top with the rest of the gravy. Finish with mashed potatoes.
4. Bake for 20 minutes, add crushed chips and/or cheese as desired. Bake another 5-10 minutes until top is browned. Use broiler if necessary.

Fishies

I made a background for my friend's fish tank from a photo I took in Brooklyn the year before I moved here. So now it looks like they are swimming down a city street!

shoot with fruit

Jewelry and fruit. Together in a bowl. I love my job!

a-smokin cigarettes

So true.

On my way back

to NYC

Reflection

Bird on a cherry blossom branch

My break up tattoo. No more skull & x-bones...

Sidewalk science

Kinkora's Seattle, WA